Joel Frederick, 6th February 2023
On Sunday 5th February, while lying in bed at night, I started to feel tightenings. I thought they were different from the Braxton Hicks I had been having, so thought things might be starting. I practised my up-breathing through each one, but realised they were quite variable in length and intensity, and not very regular. I rang the midwives to let them know that things might be starting, and I moved the car off the drive - in my pyjamas at 1am! I had some yoghurt and mini Weetabix and bounced on my ball and watched my Outnumbered DVD, before going back to bed.
Early the following morning, Monday 6th February, I texted my sister Rachel and asked her to come. I also messaged our doula Becky, who said she would come round sometime after 9am and have a cup of tea and a chat. She did that, and while she was there Rachel arrived, at around 10am. I felt that my ‘team’ was around me, which was very reassuring. However, the tightenings had tailed off, and I wasn’t really feeling anything much. Becky said she thought it was unlikely that anything would happen before that night, and that I should just enjoy the day. She did some active birth preparations with me, like the side-lying release and some inversions, and just sat and chatted with me which was reassuring.
Our 3-year old Esther was at pre-school that morning so I sat and chatted to Rachel, then the two of us went for a walk around Jesus Green. I was walking quite slowly and feeling as though the baby was very low and making me waddle! But otherwise I felt good. Around the middle of the day, I lost a clump of bloody mucus plug! Esther came home from pre-school and was very happy to see her Auntie Rachel.
That evening we had jacket potatoes, cheese and coleslaw for dinner, and while we were having it I realised the surges were returning - I had to stand up and move around, bending forward and leaning on the table whenever a surge came. That evening we took Esther to bed at about 8pm and she went to sleep at 8.30pm. I lay down with her and cuddled her and smelt her lovely smell, and my husband Rupert lay down behind me and cuddled me and rubbed my back. The surges picked up in intensity, I was concentrating and breathing through each one. It really helped to focus on my up-breathing with my visualisations (floating up a beautiful, strong tree trunk on the inhale and watching a hot air balloon silently rise from the field below me on the exhale), and repeated the words ‘up, up, up’ and ‘steady, steady, steady’ in my mind as I counted through my breaths, 8 on the inhale and 8 on the exhale. I made myself smile whenever I felt a surge starting, and thought ‘welcome the wave’, and tried to remember that the surge would peak and then tail off again. As the surge finished I imagined gently blowing away the leaves of the tree as they fluttered off into the sky.
At around 9.15pm, I had a big strong contraction and it felt like my tummy was being squeezed and then quite literally popped like a balloon and my waters came gushing out. I jumped out of bed in surprise and ran to the bathroom. I started shaking, which I thought was the shock of having the waters suddenly go. I texted Becky to let her know what had happened.
Rupert set up candles around the bath for me, and then changed the sheets on the bed while I got into my lavender bath and put on Becky’s hypnobirthing ‘trust your body’ track. I lay there on my side, breathing through the contractions which were really intense by now - but still manageable. I was calm, but still physically shaking, so when Rupert came back he held my legs to try and steady them. I didn’t realise then that I was going into transition - I thought I still had ages to go, and was managing to stay in control by thinking really hard about my up-breathing, counting and visualisations and keeping my breathing really steady and slow. Rupert timed my contractions and found I had had 3 within about 6 minutes. I asked him to phone Becky and ask her to come, which he did at 10pm.
Around the same time, I decided I just wasn’t comfortable in the bath anymore, so I got out and knelt on the bathroom floor just next to the bath, which felt like a comfortable position for me. From that point on I didn’t move from that position. I put a towel under my knees and asked Rupert to put a bathrobe around my shoulders. I stayed like that, trying to continue with my up-breathing, but also realising that something about the sensations was feeling different - it didn’t feel like ‘up’ anymore, it felt like my breathing didn’t match what was happening, it felt a bit like my body was starting to push. I didn’t understand it or believe that I could possibly have got to that stage so soon, but at the same time I realised I had to trust my body and go with it. For a little while my breathing went out the window as I didn’t really know what was happening. I started to panic. Becky arrived at exactly this moment, and I remember saying “I don’t understand what’s happening” and “I can’t do this”. She said “you are already doing it” and reminded me to breathe. She and Rupert called the Rosie Birth Centre to let the midwives know the situation, and to ask them to come.
Around this same time Becky asked whether I’d like the pool inflated but I just shook my head as I didn’t want to move, and I didn’t think there would be time as the baby felt close. At one point she asked “is this baby coming now?” and I said “I think so”. I was still on all fours on the bathroom floor, with my head resting against the cupboard under the sink, where Becky wedged a towel to make me more comfortable, and my arms resting on Esther’s toddler steps. At some point I felt hot, so shook the bathrobe off me.
With Becky’s support and reassurance that there was no reason the baby shouldn’t be OK, that babies were born like this all the time and were absolutely fine (the midwives hadn’t arrived and I had been worrying that the baby’s heartbeat had not been checked, and I wasn’t sure if I had been feeling it moving) I just about got my breathing back and let my body push whenever it felt like it. I didn’t really do the ‘down-breathing’ I had been practising, but just tried to breathe slowly and regularly and go with my body. There were rests between each surge. With each one, my body did a big strong push during which I made several kinds of noises. After a short while I could feel the baby coming down the birth canal, and started to feel quite scared, thinking that there was no way it would be able to come out, it felt so big. But I realised my body was going to do it either way - I had no control over it. So I went with it, and with a sharp painful sensation the head came out. Becky said “that’s the head - with the next push, the rest of the baby will come out” and sure enough that’s what happened. I could hear Esther crying as I went through this part, but knew that Rachel had gone to comfort her. There was a small gap. I was leaning into Rupert’s arms by this stage, comforted by the fact he was holding me, and Becky was getting a towel ready to wrap the baby in. I felt the strangest sensation of the baby’s head moving, while the rest of his body was still inside. I remember asking whether someone was touching or moving him around, and Becky said no. With the next push, the rest of the body came out, and he was born at 11pm, caught by Becky who wrapped him in a towel and passed him through my legs to me.
The baby cried a gurgly sort of cry, which Becky was able to reassure me was normal, and I gave him his first ever cuddle. At first, the cord seemed too short and I couldn’t bring him up to my chest, but then it transpired that the cord was wrapped around his neck (not tightly) so Becky gently freed it and then I was able to cuddle him properly. Becky took some photos of me looking (and feeling) euphoric, I couldn’t believe I had really done it! I checked and found we had a beautiful little boy, and I told Rupert.
After a while of sitting in the bathroom, Becky helped me move downstairs, still holding the baby and still attached by the cord. She helped me into the futon bed in the sitting room, making it really cosy for me with lots of cushions. I lay there and the baby did a ‘breast crawl’ and latched really well on to my right boob.
We lay there feeding - it was lovely, the only downside being that I was still shaking and feeling a little uncomfortable as my uterus wasn’t fully resting, because the placenta was still inside.
After an hour or so, two midwives arrived to do the checks and write up notes etc. They asked me to kneel over a bowl and give a push, which I did, and the placenta slithered out. This felt very strange but much easier than getting a baby out, and I was much more comfortable afterwards as the cramps subsided. We had a good look at the placenta while the midwife checked it over. She cut the cord, gave the baby his vitamin K and weighed him, and stitched me up. I had a second degree tear so I lay on the sofa while she did the stitches, for which I had a local anaesthetic and gas and air. I remember thinking “wow, this would have been really useful while I was actually giving birth!”. The stitches seemed to take ages and were actually one of the least pleasant parts of the whole experience! But the midwives were really nice, and again Becky’s presence was incredibly reassuring, helping me to understand the facts behind the decisions I was making, always supporting me but never trying to make my decisions for me. I knew she absolutely had my best interests at heart, and she was the only one there who had actually read my birth plan too!
Becky helped me get cleaned up and settled, and I spent the rest of the night snuggled up with our baby on the futon bed, once everyone had left at around 2.15am. Rupert went up to the spare room to get some sleep. At 7am he came back down, took the baby for a cuddle and then I went to find Esther and Rachel who were already awake and awaiting news. I told Esther that the baby had been a boy and she had a lovely little brother, and then Rupert came in holding him and they met for the very first time. Esther was quite tentative at first, taking a while to touch him, and not wanting to cuddle him until later on, but she looked delighted and very quickly became a very caring and lovely big sister.
It definitely wasn’t the plan to give birth without any pain relief or midwives, but it WAS my plan to give birth at home and I am very happy that I had that chance to be in my own space, surrounded by candles, quiet, warmth and the calm, strong support of Rupert and Becky. I am SO proud of myself for doing it, and SO grateful that Becky was there to go through it with me. I realise that even though some of it felt a bit chaotic to me, it was actually a very ‘straightforward’ and beautiful birth, and it was Becky who helped me to fully appreciate that afterwards. The sensations of birth were powerful but manageable with the breathing and the calming mantras running through my head. I am so happy to have had the opportunity to experience it.
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